“If you really love a person (child, parent, friend, lover, etc.), you will give him or her absolute freedom—that’s a gift of love.  And when there is freedom, love responds tremendously.” -Osho

To say the words freedom and love in a single sentence sounds very poetic and maybe even obvious to some.  Put into action, however, is a difficult challenge. How many of us can say we truly give absolute freedom to the ones we love, our children especially?

What Osho is mentioning above is a totally different kids of love compared to what most of us were brought up with.  It’s a kind of lightness in love, one that fully satisfies and asks for nothing more than what is.  It’s easy, and needs no force, no control, and causes no suffering. It’s an incredible feeling, and vastly different from the concept of love many of us know.

Think about it… consider your own relationship with your parents growing up.  For many people, love was (and maybe still is to a degree) a mix of passion and struggle blending into confusion.

That form of love is lacking in something very important.  The yoga between parents and children is about honor and balance, along with support and non-attachment.  Interestingly, although the above qualities are the basis of true unconditional love, it’s quite difficult to embody, requiring our efforts to change our self.  Still, anything is possible including real love.

Noticing and Transforming Our Relationship Toward Love for our Children

We want everything to be perfect for our kids.  In fact, we will do anything for them to make their life perfect, but perfect to whose image?  Parents have a challenge to work with, and that is, they can either have the upper hand that gives freely, or the iron fist that decides what to give without listening.  There are always in-betweens, but ultimately raising children is all about giving in some form or another.

Practicing yoga in parent-children relationships (or any relationships for that matter) is all about listening to your needs and the others needs.  When you hear what the other needs you create the space to allow it and/or give what is needed if you feel compelled.  Of course, if a child is in need, for anything, a parent will rush to help, and that’s part of love.  At the same time when you love someone, sometimes you can give too much.  When you give too much it may cause you to struggle and more so, you may not actually be giving what the other truly needs anyway.

Sometimes our desires to help are just projections of what we need, not what our children, our friends, or our lovers need.  Giving without listening becomes force, and as anything, it returns again, like a rebellious teenager acting out against a controlling parent, both using force against one another.

We’ve all been there in some form or another.  I don’t believe any person here has never used force against another.  There’s nothing bad about it, per say, it’s just not an effective way of giving and getting love or anything else we need.  Luckily we all have the choice right now in the present moment to transform the way we feel and respond to the world.  Even by simply by recognizing that our control and anxiety patterns around love come from a deep place inside that truly wants nothing more than goodness shared between people, is a huge step toward transformation.

Absolute Freedom, Responsive Love: Letting Our Children Go and Grow

Utilizing yoga as a relational tool asks us to stop for a moment…stop the rushing to fix, perfect, or control our self and our children, and just let it be.  Moksha, the Sanskrit word for absolute freedom, is a balance scale with love and freedom on each side and you as the fulcrum.  Absolute freedom is attained when an even balance is achieved.  That is unconditional love, bliss, nirvana.

So simply notice how your loved ones are responding to your actions.  Are they repelling?  Are they receiving with open arms?  Then how are you feeling?  Do you need more love?  More space?  What do you hear inside yourself?  Listening deeply allows you to respond, giving freedom and love.  By stopping, listening, and responding to our self and our children we can live with more freedom and furthermore abundant love. We would love to hear the answers to these questions, let us know by commenting below. Namaste

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